Na zdorovje

Brad Anderson is a director that came to my attention in 2001, when I first saw his creepy-as-hell horror flick Session 9. He then followed that up with the dark and moody thriller The Machinist in 2004. Anderson currently works outside the mainstream, producing his films overseas – the last two partnered with Spanish company Filmax (which also brought us one of my current horror faves REC). The by-product of that partnership is that his films are often not released here theatrically. The Blu-ray for his newest film Transsiberian is now available and is this month’s Non-Horror Selection.


Roy (Woody Harrelson) and Jessie (Emily Mortimer) meet young couple Carlos (Eduardo Noriega) & Abby (Kate Mara) while on a train travelling through Russia. When Roy gets left behind at a stop, things get a little more complicated for Jessie when, after a disastrous event, she catches the attention of a local detective (Ben Kingsley).

I have to say that I found writing a review for Transsiberian a little bit more difficult that usual. I enjoyed it a lot, but it didn’t really pack the punch I was hoping for. The film had several plot points that seemed a little hackneyed to me. It may be that I was just expecting something else, as it appears that Anderson is getting away from the horror genre and exploring other avenues. I don’t have any problems with that, per say, I was just surprised. What I most want to point out about this movie are the visuals. Transsiberian has some exceptional cinematography that absolutely sings on Blu-ray.


The cool, crisp long shots of the Russian landscape will have you reaching for your coat. And speaking of eye candy, who is this Kate Mara?! I mean she is just smokin' in this movie!

'Told you.

I think I fell for her almost instantly – maybe I'll have to seek out Urban Legends 3 now, or Shooter for that matter – which made some of the events later on in the movie all that more unpleasant.

(long pause)

Sorry, I was thinking about that Shooter image again. Ummm… the rest of the cast is solid and is another reason why the movie is much better than its script.

Transsiberian is a film that really benefits from its locale. It’s a fairly standard thriller, but the foreign environment creates a tension that wouldn’t be there otherwise. I would definitely urge you to seek out the Hi-Def version if you want to check out a beautifully shot film that is off the beaten track.

Ouchie!

Toby Wilkins’ Splinter was a flick that had been on my list for quite some time and I finally got to check it out. It just came out on DVD and that qualifies it as this week’s On The Shelf.

Seth (Paulo Costanzo) & Polly (Jill Wagner) have their camping trip plans altered when they are taken hostage by a couple on the run from the cops. When they all take refuge at a gas station, they find that there is something deadly lurking in the nearby woods.

Splinter is a cool horror yarn. Even though it has an extremely simple plot with few characters, there is something very fresh about it. It is full of clever ideas and serves up some tense moments. It does borrow liberally from classics like The Thing and The Blob, but they are stirred up enough to make those ingredients their own. What makes Splinter most worth watching is the nasty antagonist. It is a strange parasitic organism that infects you with its porcupine-like spines, yet there’s never really much explanation given as to what it actually is. I mean, you can speculate based on the info presented, but it’s never really spelled out for you and I kind of like it that way.

Someone's having a bad day.

Unfortunately, you never really do get a good look at this very fascinating creature and that leads me to my only negative point about the movie – its obvious budget constraints. Now, I don’t mind a slow reveal when you are pinching pennies, this worked well in flicks like Rogue, but you eventually SHOULD show it. Splinter’s reluctance to actually focus on its creature gets more frustrating as the movie goes on. This is a small gripe. It’s a really cool frickin’ monster (just the way it moves makes you do a double take and say ‘whoa, what the fuck IS that thing?’) and a lot of the gore effects are well executed. The quick cutting would have been a bigger problem if the rest of its parts didn’t fit together so well. I found it was well acted, with the just the right amount of set-up. It reminded me of Mulberry Street in that regard, where solid performances and character development elevated it beyond its budgetary shortcomings. The actors/characters in Splinter are fully invested and that makes some of the more borderline laughable effects (Costanzo wrestling with a severed hand comes to mind) easier to accept. And, I’m still not sure why, toward the end, one character was walking around almost completely oblivious to the fact he had lost his arm in the second act. Again, small gripes.

Splinter is a great little movie and well worth checking out.

Challenge... Accepted.

Dirtyrobot over at Filmopia dropped this devilish meme on me last night and I felt compelled to comply, so as not to enrage the Internet Gods. You can see how this all started by going here, but the jist is…

You make nine movie-related New Year’s resolutions (yes, I know it’s late, but at least CHINESE New Year was this week) and then do a follow-up post in December, patting yourself on the back for the ones you kept and making excuses for the ones you didn’t. I’m not usually one for resolutions - I figure there are so many disappointments that happen during the year why add to it? – but this does sound kind of fun, so here goes!

1) Uphold my boycott of the Friday the 13th remake. The time for bitching and yawing about unnecessary remakes has long past, so I just don’t see them. This goes especially the ones perpetrated by Michael Bay and Platinum Dunes. Alas, I usually get talked into watching them eventually. Mikey talked me into seeing the TCM remake on DVD (big mistake!) and Serena almost had to drag me to Rob Zombie’s Halloween. This time, I hope I can be stronger. I sense it may be difficult because the Friday movies have such a simple formula that even Ze Dunes might not be able to fuck up. In the interest of solidarity though, I’ve got stick to my guns.

2) Schwartz and I have to get our ‘secret project’ going. In the fall, while waiting to get into The Bloor for a screening, we came up with an idea. We’ve talked much about this idea, but for one reason or another, haven’t actually DONE anything about it. Well, come February, it’ll be time to shit or get off the pot.

3) Go to Fantasia again. Last year, I got my ass out to Montreal for a weekend to take in the Fantasia Film Festival. It was an amazing experience that I am hoping to repeat. The city is great, the festival is well organized (with all the theatres being within a block of each other) and the venues are superb. Plus, it’s another reason to get pissed with likeminded individuals.

4) Read more. Now, I know that is not particularly movie related, but considering I have stuff like The Watchmen, Black Hole & Whiteout on my shelf – all of which have been or will be made into big budget blockbusters – it does fit. It is a well-known fact that reading helps your writing, so I have to get into the habit of doing it more.

5) Like Dirtyrobot’s number five, I also have an unfinished screenplay. Altercation came into being as a short story, conceived while sitting in eleventh grade Math – an apt pupil I wasn’t – and only recently evolved into a screenplay. Surprisingly, it’s not horror, more of a crime thriller (and I use the term ‘thriller’ loosely) set in a small town. The most recent writer’s block has come from trying to incorporate an additional thread to make it feature length. We’ll see if inspiration hits in 2009.

6) Watch The Wizard Of Gore. As I’ve said before, I am a long time user of Zip.ca, the Canadian equivalent of Netflix. Because there is no set length you can have a DVD, I tend to hang onto them for a while… A LONG While. Wizard has been on my coffee table since February 2008! I have been meaning to do a double bill with The Gruesome Twosome (which has been on my DVR for almost as long) and then review them, but it just hasn’t happened yet. Montag the Magnificent mocks me from his waterproof sleeve every time I sit down on my couch. I must get this done!

7) Plan for the future. As much as I love doing the Coverbox Wednesdays, there will come a day when I have run through the titles that I carried at my store. It will then be time to move onto something else. I have an extensive collection of posters, but they are all buried in my parent’s crawlspace. Excavating and then sorting out said posters will be a Herculean undertaking, but I’m game if you are.

I think I can see Narnia!

8) Get Shaye to watch The Usual Suspects. I have a friend who has some sizable gaps in his repertoire. I’m not only flabbergasted that he made it through the nineties without seeing this, but also that no one has blown the experience for him up to this point. I think Donnie Darko is up first, but I have to make Singer & McQuarrie’s crime masterpiece a priority.

9) Orchestrate a movie night. This is one of the hardest to accomplish on the list and probably won’t happen, but I figured I’d put it on because I’m out of ideas. The main problem is that I live an hour away from the people I would invite and none of them have cars. It’s a shame because I already have the first event all dreamed up… a celebration of VHS featuring my man Sam.

PLUS some choice selections from the Renaissance Boys early shorts including Cleveland Smith: Bounty Hunter and Attack Of The Helping Hand!

Okay, done. We’ll see how this goes. I figure it’s a bit late to be tagging other people at this point, but I’m going to do it anyway. Serena Whitney at Killerfilm and Mermaid Heather, you’re it!

More on Mr. King

Carrying on from Monday’s post, it seems fitting to continue on with the Stephen King theme for this week’s Coverbox Wednesday. I showcased covers from his early works last year and stated then that it would likely be the first of many, considering how many of his stories have been adapted for the silver screen. To see the first edition, click here. Okay, here we go.

Technically the last two were TV movies, but we had 'em, so they're up there. See that? Twenty titles in and we barely cracked the nineties. I sense a three-peat in the future.

Just After Sunset

I’ve always got some reading material on the go, but with all the other media available to me, it does tend to spend more time on my bedside table than in my hands. Recently though, I did manage to absorb Stephen King’s new short story collection Just After Sunset.

Just After Sunset is a collection of thirteen stories, most of which were written in the last five years or so. Here’s a rundown of some of the more notable ones.

My favourite is still The Gingerbread Girl. I read it in its original form in the July 2007 issue of Esquire and it is a true page turner; definitely up there with some of his best short fiction. There’s a woman… running… from a maniac. That’s all you need to know.

Stationary Bike is one of those stories where you read it and think ‘Man, this is an idea only ol’ Steve could come up with.’ Everything about it, from the characters – real and imagined – to the narrative just screams King. This tale, about a man’s daydreams while riding his exercise bike, left me as hypnotised as the protagonist within.

Even armed with his magical imagination, King is still just an ordinary man and was affected as much as anyone by the events of 9/11. The Things They Left Behind is perhaps his way of dealing with that emotional baggage. It tells the story of a man who played hookie from work that day thus surviving the tragedy. However, in doing so, he becomes the bearer of an unwanted responsibility. Another shorter story in Sunset called Graduation Afternoon shares a similar theme of mass destruction, as well.

The story N, previously unpublished, is probably the most eerie of the bunch. Using some elements from his previous works, the format of Skeleton Crew’s Survivor Type (except instead of diary entries, the narrative is made up of correspondence and transcribed psychiatric sessions) and the spellbinding essence of Everything's Eventual's 1408, it tells of an acute and obsessive descent into madness.

There are a few ones I didn’t care for, however. Willa I pretty much had figured out five pages in – which is a rarity with King’s work – and A Very Tight Place was kind of an excessively gross retelling of Night Shift’s The Ledge, but not nearly as engaging. Overall though, Just After Sunset is a solid read, with quality bite-sized pieces of King that can be easily consumed in multiple sittings. An an aside, for the release of the book, the publishers ran an online competition. They asked for a trailer for the story The Gingerbread Girl and the winner is below. Congrats be to Red Clark; this is great stuff.




Oh, and there is one last thing I’d like to address while on the subject of Stephen King. Last year, I had made allusions to the fact I was making my way through The Dark Tower series. Well, I did and it was great, but I found it difficult to post something about it when I was finally at the other end of the tunnel. It’s a fantastic series that even gets meta-physical toward its conclusion and makes you think about how real world events (namely King’s accident in 1999) affected the outcome of his ‘white whale’ epic. It is truly mind-boggling how he worked in almost every single one of his books into the Dark Tower universe. I heard some people hated the ending, but I had a problem with neither (because there are actually two) of them. I just wanted to mention that I did get through it and it was immensely fulfilling. It was extremely cumbersome at some points, but well worth the time and effort. Hile gunslinger!

Don't Kill The Messenger III

Motherly Love

Sundance wraps up today and there has been sizable buzz about a few genre picks in the last ten days or so. Last week, new stuff was released about Paul Solet’s new flick Grace starring Jordan Ladd. This movie, about a mother and her unusual child, sounds pretty effed up. And why not? Is there any stronger bond than a lioness for her cub? Consider this and Dead Snow now on my short list. Check out the new Grace teaser below.



Happy Birthday John

Something I forgot to mention last week was that it was John Carpenter’s birthday on the 16th. Mr. Carpenter has been pretty quiet of late. Apart from a couple of Masters of Horror episodes, it’s been almost ten years since we’ve seen anything from the man. His next project Riot – which I believe has recently been renamed Scared Straight – about a bunch of juvenile delinquents trapped inside a prison during a riot, is in production now. From what I’ve heard it definitely has a Precinct 13/Escape From New York vibe to it, so that is reason enough to get excited. Happy 61st John!

He’s right. I Don’t Hate This.

Oh My!

Courtesy of wegame.com

Rue Morgue On CSI

I hadn’t watched CSI for a while because I guess I’d sort of got out of the habit of DVR-ing it. Maybe it was getting a little stale; maybe I was miffed they got rid of Jessica Lucas, who appeared in a few episodes as newbie Ronnie Lake (as a replacement for Jorja Fox - they ended up bringing in Lauren Lee Smith instead though). Last week was the big Grissom’s exit episode, so I tuned in for that (which also had an appearance by Katheryn Winnick) and got hooked in again.

So, Langston (played by new cast member Laurence Fishburne) and Adams are searching this teenager’s room for stolen property and what catches my eye?


There’s Rue Morgue stuff plastered all over the walls.

I’d be interested to know the story behind this. Was it a situation where the set dressers were like ‘okay, we need stuff for the walls… let’s make the kid into horror, someone go online and get some.’ Was Rue Morgue the first thing that came up in Google? I find it funny because a lot of these posters (the FOF’08, the Pharaoh party) are for events in Toronto that this character, being in Vegas, would have likely not attended. Regardless, it is pretty sweet to see Rue Morgue exposed to a larger audience. I know that over the last decade RM founder Rod Gudino has built himself a sizable media empire, but to me Rue Morgue is still that little Toronto magazine that could. I’ve been seeing these guys at the same events for years and most of them are pretty cool cats.

It was just a nice little surprise that added an extra element to my evening.

Fade To Black

I’ve been talking a lot about movie theatres lately. With the blackout last week, my 3-D experience and yesterday’s movie-within-a-movie slasher, it only makes sense that they have been on my mind. It started me thinking that cinemas are somewhat strange places. They are dark, loud and cramped with limited access points. Things can happen around you and you would not even be aware of it. Having said that, is it no surprise that several horror movies have honed in on that and set themselves – all or in part – within the blackened aisles of the theatre? This Coverbox Wednesday is a selection of such films. Until next time, I’ll be sitting in the back row.

Thanks be to Schwartzy for that last one. I have no idea how it could have slipped my mind. It's not like I haven't seen it several times. Forest for the trees and all that, I guess.

Blood On Your Popcorn

Since My Bloody Valentine week won’t truly be over until I review the new DVD release (hopefully this Friday), I submit to you this semi-related review. This one has stuff coming out of the screen as well, but things decidedly less harmless than 3-D effects. Check it out.

A group of theatregoers, taking in an old seventies-style horror flick, suddenly find they are being offed by the killer from the movie. Inexplicably locked inside the theatre, they must fend for themselves, or end up like their onscreen counterparts.

I had been looking forward to Midnight Movie for a while and it finally released on DVD last month. It’s a great idea, but ultimately falters a bit in its execution. I’ve definitely seen the movie-within-a-movie device handled better in films like Anguish, but what you do get is still a pretty fun slasher. Creators Jack Messitt & Mark Garbett of obvious horrorphiles, as the movie sports numerous references to the era it is aiming to emulate. I counted no less than six such shout-outs without even batting an eyelid – NOTLD, TCM, Psycho, NOES, Alien, plus a little kid who I’m sure was supposed to be Tommy Doyle.

That haircut looks strangely familiar.

This isn’t a knock however, as it was actually kind of fun seeing them pop up. I think a drinking game is in order! The killer’s mask and design were pretty cool, even if he was toting around one of the most impractical weapons ever used in a slasher.

I’m still not really sure how that works exactly.

The gore effects are well done and apart from a few shots here and there, they are top notch. Lastly, I have to say I was quite taken by cutie Rebekah Brandes, who plays Bridget. After looking her up on Imdb, it looks like she has clawed her way up from some pretty questionable fare that even I am in no hurry to seek out. You go girl!

Midnight Movie is a worthwhile venture that mostly succeeds in capturing that ol’ slasher feelin’.

Don't Kill The Messenger II

It's been a busy week around here. Now that all that MBV stuff is out of the way (at least until I can get my hands on the Uncut DVD), let's talk some news.

Canadian Connection

I have a couple of vids to show here. It looks like the defunct Picturehouse's horror project Amusement is finally going to get a release on DVD next week. It stars Canucks Kathryn Winnick (who first caught my eye in a little hidden gem called Satan's Little Helper) and Cloverfield's Jessica Lucas. Here is the trailer below and you can also see a newly released clip over at Bloody Disgusting by clicking here.



Also, a trailer for the Canadian production The Thaw has surfaced recently.



I can see many other films in this trailer, namely Larry Fessenden's The Last Winter. My only hope is that The Thaw's ending doesn't go into the shitter, like Winter's did. I'll defintely keep my eye out for it though. It has a good cast, solid effects and decent productions values. With Splice and Pontypool also coming out in '09, this could be an important year for Canadian horror.

Tokyo Gore Phalice?

Over at Twitch this week, they posted a still from the new Tokyo Gore Police prequel. It is an original short that will be packaged with the upcoming Japanese DVD release. Some I'm looking at this still, and I'm like 'It's kinda dark what is that? Is that? Are those? THEY ARE!'

Only the Japanese would think to replace Medusa's hair with cocks. I love those crazy cats.

Sad News Out of Japan.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Duck!

After shrugging off the bitter disappointment of the events Thursday night, I knocked off early from work and headed over to my local Cineplex to take in the new 3-D remake of My Bloody Valentine. Grabbing a pair of snazzy looking glasses from the bin, I sat down and waited for the spectacle to begin.

On the ten-year anniversary of the murders perpetrated by insane miner Harry Warden, the brutal killings begin again. Is Harry back from the dead, or has somebody else decided to finish what he started?

I’m glad to say that My Bloody Valentine 3-D delivers on what it promises. The 3-D effects are great fun and the technology is the best to date. Not only are there things coming out at you – the flashlight beams are an especially cool effect – but the whole picture appears raised, so things in the foreground actually look closer than those in the back. There is a slight problem with blurring sometimes, but at least the glasses don’t cause (at least me anyway) headaches.

Not your father's 3-D glasses.

Aside from the 3-D, is the movie good? Well, not really. The script, with its Scooby-Doo ending, seems like it was written in an afternoon and the last few minutes are especially ridiculous. I will say though, that it gets right to it, so at least the movie knows what it is. It certainly tries to hearken back to those old slashers and sometimes it even succeeds. The thing to remember here is that I wouldn’t have touched this movie if it weren’t in 3-D anyway, so it’s really a moot point. On the plus side, Valentine doesn’t skimp on the gore and nudity. In addition to displaying countless uses for a pick-ax, the character Irene (played by Betsy Rue) runs around completely naked for like, five minutes. It was great to see genre actor Tom Atkins again, as well as the referential uncertified use of a washing machine. And, following her roles in The Tripper and They Wait, Jaime King seems to be getting really comfortable playing the role of Final Girl.

So, the question is, will the appeal of the 3-D gimmick get tiring after a while? Well, it hasn’t yet. I’ll be better equipped to answer that by the time the inevitable Valentine sequel rolls out. I’ll have seen Final Destination 4, the Piranha remake and Avatar by then, thus 3-D will be less of a novelty. For me, with home theaters being what they are now, 3-D is one of the few unique experiences that the multiplexes offer.

My Bloody Valentine 3-D is good popcorn entertainment, with lots of gags and gore. To be honest though, the whole experience just made me want to see the original again, which makes me even sadder about what happened on Thursday.

The Night The Lights Went Out.

You ever have a night where things are going so well and just before the perfect climax, it all goes to shit? Well, allow me to relate to you my lament.

As I’ve been saying all week, I was super stoked to be taking in the original My Bloody Valentine in Toronto. I mean, look at this event!

Screening uncut for the first time with director George Mihalka in attendance! After picking up my ticket for Friday’s 3-D screening of the remake at the theatre by my house, I have a surprisingly smooth drive into Toronto. My first stop is my new favourite independent video retailer, Eyesore Cinema. I stroll in with a big smile on my face.

“Good evening! I’m here to pick up my copy of Tokyo Gore Police.”
-“Okay.”
“Are you still taking pre-orders for REC?”
-“Yes.”
“Then I will get one of those as well, kind sir!”

I am early, so I kill some time at the pub across the street from the Bloor. I sip from my pint of Moosehead (to properly prime for the Nova Scotian slasher I'm about to watch), while catching the extremely rare occurrence of the Leafs dominating on the TV above the bar. Inside the theatre, I meet up with a couple of buds and we shoot the shit while waiting for the event to start. A friend turns to me and says,

“Did you notice Edgar Wright?”

I look over and see Wright (Shaun Of The Dead, Grindhouse’s Don’t! trailer) standing a few rows up, looking very inconspicuous in a coat and black toque. Crazy. He’s here in town doing prep for his upcoming project Scott Pilgrim vs. The World and is eager to see Valentine as much as everyone else. The director George Mihalka comes onstage and is visibly touched that his twenty-eight-year-old movie has filled the house. He looks as excited as anybody to see it screened in its original form. The lights go down. The trailers start. Everyone is having a blast. Then…

The screen goes dark. The emergency lights come on. The theatre manager is running around trying to find out what’s going on. Someone says the power is out on the entire block. It must be the cold. I haven’t mentioned this enough, but for the last week or so; I’ve been meaning to post THIS

with some sort of sarcastic caption. It’s been excessively cold here, in all of Canada. I know, ha-ha, it’s Canada, igloos and dogsleds and all that shit. But seriously, we’re breaking records. Global warming my ass. Al Gore can suck it.

After a pause, moderator Richard Crouse decides to do the Q&A, while we’re waiting for more news. Mihalka returns to the stage, along with second unit director Ray Sager (?) and actor Neil Affleck, who played Axel in the movie. Mihalka talks about how the MPAA were exceptionally hard on My Bloody Valentine when he submitted it. His intention was to get away from the “Ken & Barbie” type slashers and really make the gore look painful and not like a sideshow. This caused the censors to be merciless, cutting and hacking up the film, like a proverbial Harry Warden. Mihalka says the final theatrical cut of the movie was more like “My Anaemic Valentine.” Crouse points out that the assassination of John Lennon happened just before that and led to a backlash against violence in media, which did not help the movie’s case either. Mihalka starts talking about some of things that have made MBV stay relevant, when we are told that we all have to evacuate the theatre. Out into the –20C cold. The night is over. A friend has the new uncut DVD with him, so we decide to go to a friend’s place to watch it. The night may be salvaged, after all. The only problem is that he lives fairly close and HIS power is out, too. It is just not meant to be.

Winter and I are officially at war. You can be cold all you want and make me shovel and scrape daily. I can begrudgingly handle that. But, last night, you fucked with my movies. Now, it’s personal. I know I’m being overdramatic and things could be worse - I COULD be a Palestinian in Gaza - but all I'm saying is that to have something you’ve been looking forward to snatched away at the very last second like that seems really offside.

Be Seeing You, Number Six.

I woke up to some sad news this morning. Actor Patrick McGoohan died Tuesday in Los Angeles. He was 80. McGoohan was probably best known as the rebellious captive Number Six in the 1960's sci-fi show The Prisoner. I loved that friggin' show. Even though it only lasted one season and seventeen episodes, its influence on science fiction programming would be felt for years to come. In addition to The Prisoner, he also appeared in many movies, including A Time To Kill, Escape From Alcatraz and also played the villainous King Edward Longshanks in Braveheart. Happy trails, Mr. McGoohan. You will be missed.

THS In 3-D!

As you know, the My Bloody Valentine remake releases on Friday in glorious 3-D. The third dimension in film (as we know it currently anyway) has been with us for over fifty years now and I was fortunate to be a child when it had a revival in the eighties. Isn’t it funny that the majority of 3-D flicks back then were genre titles? Except The Stewardesses* of course, which I’ve seen screened in 3-D and it is as every bit as tremendous as you would expect three-dimensional boobage to be. Anywho, this Coverbox Wednesday, I’m featuring the ones that I had at my video store, as well as a few others that applied attention-grabbing techniques. I wish I could do some cheesy 3-D effect for you right now, but sadly, I am without pancakes and syrup at the present time.

That last one I caught downtown in 3-D about five years ago and it was an effing blast. I mean I’d seen the 2-D version a million times as a kid and didn’t really realize just HOW MANY gags were in it, until they were coming out of the screen at me. There’s apple-juggling, popcorn popping, yoyos… err… yoyo-ing, you name it. If you ever get an opportunity to catch this in 3-D, do it!

The climax was in 3-D, and I still have the Freddy’s Dead glasses to prove it. This movie came out in 1991, during a time when I was seeing restricted movies at the Drive-In because it was a lot easier for my older brother to sneak me in that way. I saw quite a few movies like that, the best of which being The Silence Of The Lambs. As for Freddy 6, I think we may have been too far away from the screen that particular occasion because I don’t recall the Nightmare 3-D sequence working too well. I never complained though, I mean I wasn’t even supposed to be there, right?


Okay, okay, that one isn’t horror. But I HAVE to mention it. I hadn’t thought of this movie for YEARS and I only remembered while I was fact checking for this post. My family got the Pay TV network First Choice (which eventually became TMN**) in 1985 and one of the first movies that I watched on it was this cheesy sci-fi flick starring a very young Molly Ringwald. Back then; the station only had a limited amount of movies on their schedule, which meant multiple journeys to The Forbidden Zone, if you know what I mean.

Okay, that’s all I got for 3-D, now onto the others. One of my most curious ‘acquisitions’ from my video store days is this little oddity.


This is a 1958 movie that employs Psycho-Rama, a devilish form of subliminal messaging that flashes images during the movie to unhinge the viewer’s mind. Or, at least I THINK that was the intention. See for yourself.

The distributor even gets in on the action later, slating in “Rent Rhino Videos Every Day!” Hilarious stuff!

This 1963 Francis Ford Coppola flick (which may technically be the first body count picture) originally screened with something called the “D-13 Test”. It was a questionnaire that tested your sanity and if you failed you were asked to leave the theatre. I still, to this day, have not been able to find the full test anywhere; otherwise I would have posted it here.

Lastly, I cannot end this little piece without mentioning the king of ‘interactive cinema’ Bill Castle. He was one of the first to come up with ingenious ways to pull people into his movies. He loved his craft, but was also a great businessman who knew how to get people into the seats. For more info on this schlock icon, there is an upcoming documentary about him aptly titled Spine Tingler! The William Castle Story. Here are just some of the unique gimmicks he employed. 13 Ghosts used Illusion-O. At certain parts of the films, you looked through provided glasses to see the ghosts in the movie. The Tingler utilized Percept-O, where selected seats in the theatre were rigged with joy buzzers to ‘shock’ patrons during parts of the movie. House On Haunted Hill had Emerg-O, where a fake skeleton was flown over the audience during scenes where one appeared onscreen. And that’s just the beginning. Oh, what a delightful time to be a moviegoer, eh?

Well, that’s it for my post on the ol’ red and blue. Until next time, see you in the next dimension.


*-The Stewardesses actually came out in 1969, well before the eighties revival, but I wanted to work it in somehow.
**-TMN (The Movie Network) is the Canadian equivalent of HBO.

MBV3-D on G4

The lovely Jaime King was on Attack Of The Show yesterday promoting the new My Bloody Valentine. Check it out below.

Be My Valentine

The new My Bloody Valentine remake opens this Friday and I haven't done a weekly theme in a while (Rat Week in June was the last one), so here we go.

My entrance into horror movie fandom happened to coincide with the American slasher boom of the early eighties. That meant there was never any shortage of our beloved subgenre's stuff lurking on video store shelves. They were instantly recognizable because they always had such eye-catching coverboxes. My memories of My Bloody Valentine are fond ones. I mean, who doesn't remember seeing this iconic image during the eighties?

Dug out from the archives.

So, on the docket this week is a special Coverbox Wednesday, a screening of the original My Bloody Valentine in Toronto on Thursday and hopefully taking in the new 3-D extravaganza on the weekend. Until then, beware of flying pickaxes!

Don't Kill The Messenger

As you know, things happen in the world of horror daily, but having a day job doesn't really give me the luxury of commenting on said news as much as I'd like. So, what I'm planning on doing from now on is picking out a few stories from the week and then throwing out some thoughts over my Saturday (or Sunday) morning cup of Orange Pekoe. Give me some time and I might even come up with a cool name and/or header for it. Okay, let's get into it, shall we?

A New Doc On The Horizon.

First, while digging around Imdb last week, I came across this really interesting project called Into The Dark. It appears to be a UK documentary examining horror films, executive produced by George A. Romero and directed by Johanna Salomäki and Paul McEvoy. There doesn't really seem to be much info about it (except a tiny blurb on the Jinga Films website), but what struck me was the super impressive lineup of interviewees. In addition to Romero, Into The Dark also features horror icons Dario Argento, Clive Barker, Tobe Hooper, Stuart Gordon, Bill Lustig, Guillermo Del Toro, Tom Holland and Mick Garris. The doc also has its share of up and coming talent like Jaume Balagueró (REC), Adam Green (Hatchet), Joe Lynch (Wrong Turn 2), Scott Glosserman (Behind The Mask) and Gregg Bishop (Dance Of The Dead). And, as this is a UK production, the Brits are heavily represented by filmmakers such as Neil Marshall (The Descent), James Watkins (Eden Lake), Christoper Smith (Severance), Simon Boyes (Broken), Adam Mason (The Devil's Chair) and Jake West (Evil Aliens). I could go on. The release date is slated for this month in the UK, so hopefully this appears on our shores sometime soon.

Okay, You Have My Attention.

Second, Schwartz sent me an email yesterday telling me the trailer for the Last House On The Left remake was now online. I remember Craven talking about it during his appearance at FOF last fall, but I was still lukewarm about it. After watching the trailer though, I have to say... it doesn't look too bad. Apart from maybe showing too much - a common crime these days unfortunately - it looks pretty decent. And that Sweet Child Of Mine cover...



What do you think? First The Hills Have Eyes remake; now this. Is there something about Craven, that is just adaptable? The original Last House was a punishing film and there are flashes in this trailer that look like it might approach that. Obviously, with the censors being what they are these days, that is a pipe dream, but it leaves me no less intrigued.

Help! Help! I'm Being Repressed!

And lastly, here's something funny I discovered about The Unborn marketing campaign. The International poster is far more 'stimulating' than the domestic one, wouldn't you say?

Oh and btw, I have a friend who went to a press screening and said The Unborn was mediocre, at best. And Gary Oldman is in it for twenty minutes, tops. Congratulations, Michael Bay, to another job undone.

So, that about does it for now. Next week, I'm doing something special, so look out for the announcement on Monday. Have a good one!

triangle circle ex square

I covered the horror films that I’m looking forward to in 2009 earlier this week, so now I want to touch on some upcoming goodies from my other favourite pass time; video games. Aside from the obvious ones like Killzone 2 and the new Infinity Ward Call of Duty installment, there are a few (three to be precise) genre titles on the way.

Resident Evil 5
My absolute #1 anticipated piece of media entertainment in 2009. It’s absolutely gorgeous and all the demo footage looks like it has improved on the already groundbreaking mechanics of Resident Evil 4. It will be good to get back in Chris Redfield’s combat boots again after a lengthy absence, as I believe 2000’s Code Veronica was the last time we saw him. Okay, technically he was in a 2007 game on the Wii, but that doesn’t really count. The online co-op gameplay (with the introduction of new character Sheva Alomar) will hopefully be more polished than in previous installments like Outbreak.




F.E.A.R. 2: Project Origin
F.E.A.R. was the first game I played on my PS3 and I can’t wait for more. All J-horror comparisons aside, Alma is one pissed off little ghostie and the addition of mechs is a stroke of genius. F.E.A.R’s enemy A.I. is some of the best in the business and I’m going to need all my time-slowing abilities to come out on top.




Heavy Rain
This PS3 exclusive has had a ton of resources poured into it. The graphics are cutting edge, as you can see. From what I can glean from the trailer, the story revolves around a woman investigating someone called The Origami Killer, presumably the knife-wielding attacker in the trailer. Still not much is known about the gameplay, other than it will utilize a unique control system that will entail at least some QTE’s. It will also have a huge and dense storyline (word has it the original script was the length of over three feature films). I’m really pulling for Heavy Rain to be more than just a pretty face.



So, there you have it. It seems my Playstation will be working overtime this year. Happy gaming and remember to save early and save often!

It Came From Under The Covers.

Time to start the year off right. Here’s my review of the outstandingly outrageous flick Death Bed: The Bed That Eats!

I can’t even recall where I found out about this movie. I think I saw the title on a message board somewhere and immediately was like, ‘I HAVE to see this movie!’ It’s funny because I had an idea like this when I was a kid, lying in bed at night thinking ‘children get under the covers to protect themselves from the monster. What if the monster WAS THE BED?!’ Yes, talking about my childhood really does give you a blood-streaked window into my skewed psyche, doesn’t it? It is more likely that said idea came from regular viewings of The Blob and copious amounts of D&D. So, imagine my surprise to discover that when I was having those thoughts, someone had already put them to film. Although, Death Bed: The Bed That Eats would not see an official release for another twenty-six years.

Death Bed is quite a strange case because it maybe the only movie in history to acquire a cult following while never actually having been released. In the DVD introduction, director George Barry explains that he was as shocked as anyone to be on Internet message boards during the nineties and come across conversations from people who had seen the film, even though Death Bed had never seen the light of day. It took some more investigation and correspondence with musician/horror scholar Stephen Thrower to find out that pirated copies of Death Bed had been circulating in Europe for years. Finally, in 2004, the distributor Cult Epics released an official DVD.

Now, onto this delightful oddity of a movie. Death Bed: The Bed That Eats is equal parts ridiculous and hilarious. Now matter how crazy you think this movie could be, the real thing trumps it. I have no trouble seeing why Barry struggled to get this thing distributed, but I’m glad it’s out there now because people need to see this. Death Bed should have been as infamous as Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes. You know what it reminds me of? It plays like one of those faux trailers in Grindhouse, but imagine an entire movie like that. And I don’t mean just your average fare from that era; I mean an entire feature that is as outlandish in its entirety, as it is in trailer form. Even though the movie is drolly narrated by the ghost of one of its victims, the star of the film – and rightly so - is The Bed. And it doesn’t just sit there. It yawns, munches, slurps and even gets indigestion!

I can't MAKE this shit up!

As you would expect, Death Bed is a steady procession of WTF moments. Yellow soap sud digestive juices, wind demons and characters that have whole inward conversations with themselves all add up to a one-of-a-kind experience. Here’s just one example of the absurdity. Two gangsters are playing poker on the bed – I know, strange in itself – and they start getting eaten and fire their guns into the bed sheets. However, it seems that the Mr. Foley quit halfway through the scene and thus no gunshots. Hilarity ensues. Seriously, as much as I could go on about it, Death Bed really needs to be seen to be believed. Barry’s kitchen sink attitude makes me think he must have known he was making a turkey, but it often isn’t served up as such. Yet I wouldn’t want it any other way. To me, I am thankful that we live in a world where movies like Death Bed exist.

My only regret is that I saw this alone. I only wish that I had likeminded people by my side when I watched it. For a get together of b-movie enthusiasts, Death Bed: The Bed That Eats is a must watch.

2009 Preview

January. The start of a new year and a clean slate. Here are my top ten (okay, ten-ish) most anticipated genre films for 2009. I found it much more difficult to rank them this year, so I ended up just listing them alphabetically.

Dead Snow (TBD)
The zombie horror comedy flick has its debut at Sundance this month, so I’m hoping it makes it to at least one of the three festivals in my sphere of influence this year. Judging by the trailer, it looks like some good quality fun.




The Descent: Part 2 (May 15th, UK)
At first, I looked upon this follow-up to the now legendary 2006 film with disdain when I learned Neil Marshall wasn’t returning to direct. Now, after seeing D2 writer James Watkins’ recent genre effort Eden Lake, I feel much better. He’s got the balls to go just as far as his predecessor did.

Drag Me To Hell (May 29th)
A lot of people say Sam Raimi has a lot to answer for after Spiderman 3 and Ghosthouse’s shoddy record. I say 30 Days Of Night evened everything out. Hopefully, his triumphant return to horror will silence all the naysayers. I have my fingers crossed that Mr. Raimi hasn’t contracted Lucas disease from all that time in Hollywood.

Humans/The Pack (TBD)
Since modern French horror exploded onto the scene some years ago with High Tension, genre fans look to the Parisians each year to see what new sick and depraved shit will be soaking their screens. In 2009, it looks like we are getting a double shot with Humans and The Pack. Oh, and Paris By Night Of The Living Dead too. Awesome. I cannot wait!

Jennifer’s Body (Sep 18th)
Though I liked Juno, I’m in no hurry to hear more of Diablo Cody’s over-precocious dialogue. However, the one thing that keeps pulling me in is that Jennifer’s Body also happens to be MEGAN FOX’s body. ‘Nuff said.




The Lovely Bones (Dec 11th)
Peter Jackson’s long awaited indie is finally going to see the light of day in 2009. His return to low budget (well, LOWER budget anyway) horror should be welcomed with open arms. Rachel Weisz is a big draw for me. As for Mark Wahlberg, well… I just hope he can rebound from that whole Happening debacle.

My Bloody Valentine 3-D (Jan 16th)
2009 will be the defining year for 3-D and its viability as a mainstream film format. This remake of the 1981 Canadian slasher is the first on the schedule. I, for one, am stoked. When you can actually get me excited to see a remake, you know you are doing something right. I can’t wait to crack a Moosehead and revisit this old ditty. As a side note, 3-D will also be instituted for the newest Final Destination installment and the upcoming Piranha remake. Gorsh, technology is fun!

Perkins 14 (Jan 9th)
The After Dark Horrorfest lineup has some promising titles this year with this one being the most intriguing. It really sells itself on the premise alone and the fact that the entire thing was written and cast via an online community makes it an interesting experiment. Additionally, The Broken with Lena Headey and the Korean flick Voices also look like pretty cool Horrorfest offerings too.

Whiteout (Sep 11th)
Another graphic novel to film adaptation, this one is a cat-and-mouse thriller set in the Antarctic. My favourite lass Kate Beckinsale stars as a U.S. marshall on the trail of a killer. Love it!






There are also a bunch of titles expected on DVD that I’m looking forward to, as well.

Midnight Movie (Jan 6th)
The premise and cool website sell the movie for me. There have been variations on this theme done in the past, but I’m ready for a new go-round.






Dead In 3 Days (Mar 3rd)
Dimension Extreme is releasing this Austrian slasher in March. It comes highly recommended from a few different sources, so what the hell, I’ll give it a whirl.

Trick r Treat (TBD)
The long shelved horror project finally got a limited Halloween release in 2008, so hopefully a DVD will be here in the spring. I remember seeing a trailer for this, like almost two years ago. Treat was on a few top horror lists of ’08, so I look forward to seeing it.



Splinter (TBD)
I’ve wanted to see this movie for a while now. It had a limited release a few months ago, so the DVD can’t be far behind. Apparently, the gore work is top notch, so that’s always a plus.

And finally, I hope My Name Is Bruce finally makes an appearance on video store shelves. I’ve heard a lot of negative buzz about big B’s little indie, but I’ll reserve judgment until I get my hands on it.

Here’s some other stuff I’d like to see in 2009.

Doghouse
Jake West’s new movie looks good from the trailer, creature design models and great British cast. Get this out already! If it’s ready by September, it’s a shoe-in for Midnight Madness at TIFF, as West is MM alumni (Evil Aliens was here in ’05).




Trailer Trash
Eli Roth’s faux trailer project was #5 on my 2008 list and has all but disappeared from existence since then. I’d still like to see it though. I know Grindhouse was a financial disaster, but this is the kind of thing that can be done on the cheap and really thrive on DVD.

Paranormal Activity
This unconventional little ditty made a big splash at Slamdance last year. There are more than a few people that are tired of the whole cinema verité craze, but this one looks really, really good.

Lastly, I haven’t forgotten about the blockbuster reboot of Universal darling The Wolfman, it’s just that everything I’ve seen so far has been underwhelming. Maybe I’ll get more excited closer to the date.

And away we go!!!


Addendums:

-Friday The 13th is nowhere near this list, for the same reason The Unborn isn’t. A certain dolt named Bay.
-Rob Zombie’s Halloween pretty much killed any momentum he had as a filmmaker, so H2 and Tyrannosaurus Rex are pretty much dead to me.

A Nice Ad For British Tourism

Well, I finally saw the British survivalist flick Eden Lake – one of the last on my list of ’08 festival titles – and here are my thoughts on it.

Steve and Jenny (Kelly Reilly & Michael Fassbender) have a romantic weekend planned out in the English countryside. Unfortunately for them, their getaway is crashed by a gang of unruly youths. When things turn ugly, the couple find themselves in a fight for the lives out in the middle of nowhere.

Even though it does everything well, I can’t help but feel that after France’s ownage of this subgenre over the past few years, that Eden Lake somewhat rings of convention. That isn’t meant as a negative comment, I just fear that because of this Eden Lake will have a hard time having its voice heard. That is precisely why it is the subject of this On The Shelf. The film is well acted, and even though it may seem that the protagonists went out looking for trouble, the story plays out in a relatively plausible way. As frightening as this concept is, it would appear – after hearing several stories from my relatives who live in the UK – that the chaotic behaviour exhibited by the antagonists in Eden Lake is as much a reflection as it is an exaggeration. Hooliganism is becoming an increasing problem and though I am not saying that a few bad apples ruin the whole bunch, it has become a harsh reality that whenever in a confrontation with similar groups of individuals, it is best just to leave it be.

Britain's future?

Anyway, back to Eden Lake. The city vs. country theme has been covered before, perhaps most memorably with classic American works like Deliverance and Straw Dogs, and Eden Lake treads on that same water. And like those perennial works, it is by no means a tame affair. It pulls no punches, wading into extremely dark material. I commend director James Watkins for going that route, because most of his contemporaries (the diabolical Simon Boyes & Adam Mason excluded, of course) like Chris Smith, Jake West and Edgar Wright do like to inject humour into their works. I love them all to be sure, but sometimes it is the bolder choice to leave the comedy at the door. Watkins takes the themes of unchecked human behaviour that he first touched on in his 2002 script for My Little Eye and expands on it here.

Eden Lake is worth a look, as I think it stands up well against its peers. Next up for Watkins, is the sequel to Neil Marshall’s horror 2006 powerhouse The Descent. After seeing Eden Lake, I’m feeling a little bit better about that now.

Two Double-Aught Nine

Here's to a prosperous and...

Talk to ya soon!